I'm not sure but I'm going to find out.
Hi everyone! This will be my last blog for the season and I know I say it a lot, but get ready for an essay!
At the beginning of August, I played in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Battle Creek, Michigan. I love both of these tournaments and have played well at both in the past. But, to cut to the chase, these were future-deciding tournaments. If I played well enough, I wouldn't have to go to LPGA Stage 1 Qualifying School. So there was some added pressure at the back of mind knowing this. Turns out I played exactly the same in both. I shot 1-under the 1st round and 4-over the 2nd round to miss both cuts. I wouldn't say I played poorly. I just didn't play well enough.
But because I didn't make the cut at either of these tournaments, I had to go straight to Stage 1 which happened the week after Battle Creek. Unfortunately, this was also the same week as the CP Women's Open in Aurora so I was a little disappointed that I couldn't play that since it was so close to home.
I might know where I want to go on the road that is life, but where it is actually going is still a mystery.
For all of those who don't know about LPGA Stage 1 Qualifying School, it is probably the most strenuous golf tournament ever. It happens out in Rancho Mirage/Palm Desert, California over 7 days where it is usually over 40 degrees Celsius every day. You play 3 different courses which means you have to play 3 different practice rounds. And then the actual tournament is 4 days. You get a cart to ride in, but it's mostly because they don't want people passing out from walking for 4 days in that heat. Then there's the double cut. There were about 360 players this year and they cut to 156 players or less after the 3rd round. Then there is another cut after the 4th round to 90 players and ties (this number changes every year) to see who will move onto Stage 2 which happens in October in Florida. All of this is just a real test of stamina for anyone who attempts Stage 1 and sometimes it feels like a huge cattle call.
Now this is where the real story begins…
My 1st round was on the Dinah Shore Course at Mission Hills, and I shot even par which was pretty decent. My 2nd round was on the Palmer Course at Mission Hills, and I shot 5-over. After that round, my mom and I sat down and were really trying to figure out why this pattern kept occurring -- I would play well when I had an afternoon round and then worse during a morning round. It's a pattern that had been happening all year. We thought maybe I wasn't a morning person, but after thinking about it for a while I realized something. Maybe it was my allergy medication.
You see, I got an allergic reaction when I was playing last year. So I went to see an allergist and found out that I was allergic to a lot of things that grow outside on a golf course. Apparently, I had become allergic to things I hadn't been allergic to before so my doctor suggested to take an allergy medication. But it's one side-effect is drowsiness. My doctor said if I took it in the evening, it shouldn’t affect me that much the next day. At first, I took it on-and-off, but then I noticed I would still get allergies so I started to take it regularly. And it's not such a weird coincidence looking back now, but when I started taking it correlates directly with how my golf performance has been – not as stellar.
After this realization, I was finally able to put my finger on exactly what was happening the next day when I decided to not take my allergy meds. For my 3rd round, I played at Marriott's Shadow Ridge and shot 4-under!!! I hadn't shot 4-under or better in a tournament round in over 2 years and it was like a lightbulb went off in my brain. My arms didn't feel like lead when I swung, and I could feel that I hadn't been swinging with as much power as I had thought. But the biggest difference was thought clarity! I wasn't sleepy or drowsy at all! I was fully aware of everything – how I felt, how I wanted to execute shots, and how to get into "the zone" if I needed to take it up a notch. All of this was a huge revelation to me. So if there is a lesson here, it's "always test to see how medication can and will affect you mentally, physically and emotionally". The label on it doesn't tell you the whole story.
After this amazing day which had allowed me to make the cut to the 4th round, I thought everything was finally aligning for me. I just had to go out and play relatively stress free in the final round because I did have about a 4 shot cushion.
The morning of the final round, I woke up with a sore shoulder and neck, and I couldn't really turn my head more than 10 degrees in each direction without pain. I told my mom and we massaged and stretched it out because I luckily had an afternoon round. I thought it was getting better until we started to drive to the course. I had this overwhelming nausea take over me like I was incredibly car sick, and my neck pain increased tremendously. We got to the course and I just rested for a few minutes. I thought it was getting better, but it really wasn't. So I went into the clubhouse where it was cooler, took an ibuprofen and tried to not feel sick. My mom suggested I think about withdrawing and I honestly and strongly considered it because I felt so nauseous and couldn't really move my neck let alone swing a golf club! But I decided that I was not going to withdraw because that definitely meant I would have almost no status for the 2020 Symetra Tour season. So I knew that this was basically going to be an all or nothing kind of day – try my best and hope for the best. But it was now about 30 minutes to my tee time and I needed to do something because I was not ready to play at all. So I decided to chug some Powerade and that seemed to help. I took some more ibuprofen and made up another drink with amino acids and chugged that as I walked to the range. I probably spent 15 minutes warming up where I hit 10 balls, 5 chips and 10 putts. I still had a to figure out how I was going to hit the ball though because it was actually quite painful to swing, but I just left it up to God as my tee time was rapidly approaching.
So off my 1st tee at Dinah Shore I went. And the first 8 holes were pretty much a disaster, and I looked ridiculous. I had to bend all the way down (like a little child basically) to stick the tee in the ground, fix pitch marks, and mark my ball so my neck wouldn't stretch. And when I lined up my shots, I had to turn my whole body to see the target because my head couldn't turn. I was probably quite a sight to see. I was 6-over though 8 holes, but I felt like I had figured out how to swing by the 9th hole and/or the ibuprofen was kicking in??? I'm not sure. I managed to salvage a total score of 5-over, but turns out that this left me one shot out of making the cut.
After all that, I didn't know if I was mad or relieved to be honest. I was mad because it was 1 shot (!!!), but also relieved because it made sense. If I was supposed to make it, then the neck thing wouldn't have happened. I had cracked the code with my allergy meds the previous day, but that was more like a life lesson and an answer to another prayer I had asked the previous week.
Sidestory: In Battle Creek, I had met with my fellowship group before the tournament started and we talked a lot about how God works in our lives and what that looks like. And for some reason Stage 1 came up, and I told the group "I don't know why I have to go to Stage 1, but maybe it's because I need to LEARN something." And I kid you not, when my mom and I finally figured out my allergy meds thing, that sentence echoed resoundingly through my mind and it all became worth it. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I will remember that above anything else from 2019 LPGA Stage 1 Qualifying School. God always has a plan for everything.
I became more sure of where the road was taking me, but it was still perplexing nonetheless.
Right after Stage 1, we had to fly back to Chicago where we had left our car and drive to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. My neck began to feel much better, but since it was really windy in Sioux Falls, I was afraid my allergies would act up. So I took my allergy meds the night before my 1st round. Though that may seem like an unwise decision since I knew what it would do, I had to know beyond reasonable doubt what was happening. And everything happened exactly as expected. I was not as aware or alert in my decision making, my arms felt like lead, and I felt sleepy. Not really great things when you're trying to play competitive golf for a living! So after that 6-over par round and further confirmation, I now knew for sure.
Fast forward to the next week in Garden City, Kansas. I had a pretty good feeling that this would probably be my last Symetra Tour event of the year since the field sizes of the tournaments were staring to shrink and I wasn't high enough on the money list to get into the tour championship. So I knew I had to play well to try and make an impact if I could. The 1st round was windy (like it usually is in Garden City) so I came in at 2-over which wasn't terrible, but I needed to do some work to make the cut the next day. And the 2nd round was just another testament to me finally figuring it all out. The last time I shot 5-under 67 was almost 2.5 years ago! I just felt so different. I felt like I could execute what I wanted and that I could MAKE putts – like will them into the hole almost. I was in a different zone level in my brain which I had tapped into 2 weeks prior at Stage 1, but not since 2 years prior to that. The greatest thing too was that even though there was a 2 hour storm delay in the middle of the round, I was able to walk back onto the course and continue with that same zone. The next day, I ended up shooting even to finish T23rd for my best finish of the year. And it was a great way to cap off the season. It wasn't enough to get me into anymore tournaments, but it was enough for me.
Does the road stop here? Or is there another path I have not seen yet?
I recently played my last official competitive round for the season at a Monday qualifier for the LPGA IWIT Championship in Indianapolis and though I didn't qualify, it was an interesting experience to be at an LPGA site again. I got to see some of my friends who have graduated to the LPGA Tour and be reminded of the goal that many female touring professional want to achieve.
Overall, it's been a very interesting year. In the weirdest ways I have been reminded that you really don't have control over what the outcome of your choices will be. You can work hard and do all the right things expecting a certain outcome, but that might not be the outcome you get at all. Maybe it's not the right time or not the right opportunity. But the key is to be okay with it all no matter what the outcome is, and march on.
To preface my future, this is what I can tell you. I pretty much will have the same status on the Symetra Tour in 2020 as this year, but maybe 15 spots worse. I will get into some events like this year, but it will be a challenge again nonetheless. I don't know if other opportunities will arise or what I will decide to do, but as for the title of this blog post goes, the road leads anywhere – anywhere I want it to go.
Thanks for reading! I cannot thank all of you enough who have stuck with me for another year! I know the past 2 years have been pretty gloomy recaps, but your support and encouragement are sincerely appreciated!
Have a great rest of 2019!
P.S. If you didn't quite follow, I tried something new in this blog post where the sentences in italics are my inner thoughts of what my answer to the title's question would be at that specific time/situation in my journey.
G.O.L.F.
Hi everyone! This will be my last blog for the season and I know I say it a lot, but get ready for an essay!
At the beginning of August, I played in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Battle Creek, Michigan. I love both of these tournaments and have played well at both in the past. But, to cut to the chase, these were future-deciding tournaments. If I played well enough, I wouldn't have to go to LPGA Stage 1 Qualifying School. So there was some added pressure at the back of mind knowing this. Turns out I played exactly the same in both. I shot 1-under the 1st round and 4-over the 2nd round to miss both cuts. I wouldn't say I played poorly. I just didn't play well enough.
But because I didn't make the cut at either of these tournaments, I had to go straight to Stage 1 which happened the week after Battle Creek. Unfortunately, this was also the same week as the CP Women's Open in Aurora so I was a little disappointed that I couldn't play that since it was so close to home.
I might know where I want to go on the road that is life, but where it is actually going is still a mystery.
For all of those who don't know about LPGA Stage 1 Qualifying School, it is probably the most strenuous golf tournament ever. It happens out in Rancho Mirage/Palm Desert, California over 7 days where it is usually over 40 degrees Celsius every day. You play 3 different courses which means you have to play 3 different practice rounds. And then the actual tournament is 4 days. You get a cart to ride in, but it's mostly because they don't want people passing out from walking for 4 days in that heat. Then there's the double cut. There were about 360 players this year and they cut to 156 players or less after the 3rd round. Then there is another cut after the 4th round to 90 players and ties (this number changes every year) to see who will move onto Stage 2 which happens in October in Florida. All of this is just a real test of stamina for anyone who attempts Stage 1 and sometimes it feels like a huge cattle call.
Now this is where the real story begins…
My 1st round was on the Dinah Shore Course at Mission Hills, and I shot even par which was pretty decent. My 2nd round was on the Palmer Course at Mission Hills, and I shot 5-over. After that round, my mom and I sat down and were really trying to figure out why this pattern kept occurring -- I would play well when I had an afternoon round and then worse during a morning round. It's a pattern that had been happening all year. We thought maybe I wasn't a morning person, but after thinking about it for a while I realized something. Maybe it was my allergy medication.
You see, I got an allergic reaction when I was playing last year. So I went to see an allergist and found out that I was allergic to a lot of things that grow outside on a golf course. Apparently, I had become allergic to things I hadn't been allergic to before so my doctor suggested to take an allergy medication. But it's one side-effect is drowsiness. My doctor said if I took it in the evening, it shouldn’t affect me that much the next day. At first, I took it on-and-off, but then I noticed I would still get allergies so I started to take it regularly. And it's not such a weird coincidence looking back now, but when I started taking it correlates directly with how my golf performance has been – not as stellar.
After this realization, I was finally able to put my finger on exactly what was happening the next day when I decided to not take my allergy meds. For my 3rd round, I played at Marriott's Shadow Ridge and shot 4-under!!! I hadn't shot 4-under or better in a tournament round in over 2 years and it was like a lightbulb went off in my brain. My arms didn't feel like lead when I swung, and I could feel that I hadn't been swinging with as much power as I had thought. But the biggest difference was thought clarity! I wasn't sleepy or drowsy at all! I was fully aware of everything – how I felt, how I wanted to execute shots, and how to get into "the zone" if I needed to take it up a notch. All of this was a huge revelation to me. So if there is a lesson here, it's "always test to see how medication can and will affect you mentally, physically and emotionally". The label on it doesn't tell you the whole story.
After this amazing day which had allowed me to make the cut to the 4th round, I thought everything was finally aligning for me. I just had to go out and play relatively stress free in the final round because I did have about a 4 shot cushion.
The morning of the final round, I woke up with a sore shoulder and neck, and I couldn't really turn my head more than 10 degrees in each direction without pain. I told my mom and we massaged and stretched it out because I luckily had an afternoon round. I thought it was getting better until we started to drive to the course. I had this overwhelming nausea take over me like I was incredibly car sick, and my neck pain increased tremendously. We got to the course and I just rested for a few minutes. I thought it was getting better, but it really wasn't. So I went into the clubhouse where it was cooler, took an ibuprofen and tried to not feel sick. My mom suggested I think about withdrawing and I honestly and strongly considered it because I felt so nauseous and couldn't really move my neck let alone swing a golf club! But I decided that I was not going to withdraw because that definitely meant I would have almost no status for the 2020 Symetra Tour season. So I knew that this was basically going to be an all or nothing kind of day – try my best and hope for the best. But it was now about 30 minutes to my tee time and I needed to do something because I was not ready to play at all. So I decided to chug some Powerade and that seemed to help. I took some more ibuprofen and made up another drink with amino acids and chugged that as I walked to the range. I probably spent 15 minutes warming up where I hit 10 balls, 5 chips and 10 putts. I still had a to figure out how I was going to hit the ball though because it was actually quite painful to swing, but I just left it up to God as my tee time was rapidly approaching.
So off my 1st tee at Dinah Shore I went. And the first 8 holes were pretty much a disaster, and I looked ridiculous. I had to bend all the way down (like a little child basically) to stick the tee in the ground, fix pitch marks, and mark my ball so my neck wouldn't stretch. And when I lined up my shots, I had to turn my whole body to see the target because my head couldn't turn. I was probably quite a sight to see. I was 6-over though 8 holes, but I felt like I had figured out how to swing by the 9th hole and/or the ibuprofen was kicking in??? I'm not sure. I managed to salvage a total score of 5-over, but turns out that this left me one shot out of making the cut.
After all that, I didn't know if I was mad or relieved to be honest. I was mad because it was 1 shot (!!!), but also relieved because it made sense. If I was supposed to make it, then the neck thing wouldn't have happened. I had cracked the code with my allergy meds the previous day, but that was more like a life lesson and an answer to another prayer I had asked the previous week.
Sidestory: In Battle Creek, I had met with my fellowship group before the tournament started and we talked a lot about how God works in our lives and what that looks like. And for some reason Stage 1 came up, and I told the group "I don't know why I have to go to Stage 1, but maybe it's because I need to LEARN something." And I kid you not, when my mom and I finally figured out my allergy meds thing, that sentence echoed resoundingly through my mind and it all became worth it. I know that sounds kind of crazy, but I will remember that above anything else from 2019 LPGA Stage 1 Qualifying School. God always has a plan for everything.
I became more sure of where the road was taking me, but it was still perplexing nonetheless.
Right after Stage 1, we had to fly back to Chicago where we had left our car and drive to Sioux Falls, South Dakota. My neck began to feel much better, but since it was really windy in Sioux Falls, I was afraid my allergies would act up. So I took my allergy meds the night before my 1st round. Though that may seem like an unwise decision since I knew what it would do, I had to know beyond reasonable doubt what was happening. And everything happened exactly as expected. I was not as aware or alert in my decision making, my arms felt like lead, and I felt sleepy. Not really great things when you're trying to play competitive golf for a living! So after that 6-over par round and further confirmation, I now knew for sure.
Fast forward to the next week in Garden City, Kansas. I had a pretty good feeling that this would probably be my last Symetra Tour event of the year since the field sizes of the tournaments were staring to shrink and I wasn't high enough on the money list to get into the tour championship. So I knew I had to play well to try and make an impact if I could. The 1st round was windy (like it usually is in Garden City) so I came in at 2-over which wasn't terrible, but I needed to do some work to make the cut the next day. And the 2nd round was just another testament to me finally figuring it all out. The last time I shot 5-under 67 was almost 2.5 years ago! I just felt so different. I felt like I could execute what I wanted and that I could MAKE putts – like will them into the hole almost. I was in a different zone level in my brain which I had tapped into 2 weeks prior at Stage 1, but not since 2 years prior to that. The greatest thing too was that even though there was a 2 hour storm delay in the middle of the round, I was able to walk back onto the course and continue with that same zone. The next day, I ended up shooting even to finish T23rd for my best finish of the year. And it was a great way to cap off the season. It wasn't enough to get me into anymore tournaments, but it was enough for me.
Does the road stop here? Or is there another path I have not seen yet?
I recently played my last official competitive round for the season at a Monday qualifier for the LPGA IWIT Championship in Indianapolis and though I didn't qualify, it was an interesting experience to be at an LPGA site again. I got to see some of my friends who have graduated to the LPGA Tour and be reminded of the goal that many female touring professional want to achieve.
Overall, it's been a very interesting year. In the weirdest ways I have been reminded that you really don't have control over what the outcome of your choices will be. You can work hard and do all the right things expecting a certain outcome, but that might not be the outcome you get at all. Maybe it's not the right time or not the right opportunity. But the key is to be okay with it all no matter what the outcome is, and march on.
To preface my future, this is what I can tell you. I pretty much will have the same status on the Symetra Tour in 2020 as this year, but maybe 15 spots worse. I will get into some events like this year, but it will be a challenge again nonetheless. I don't know if other opportunities will arise or what I will decide to do, but as for the title of this blog post goes, the road leads anywhere – anywhere I want it to go.
Thanks for reading! I cannot thank all of you enough who have stuck with me for another year! I know the past 2 years have been pretty gloomy recaps, but your support and encouragement are sincerely appreciated!
Have a great rest of 2019!
P.S. If you didn't quite follow, I tried something new in this blog post where the sentences in italics are my inner thoughts of what my answer to the title's question would be at that specific time/situation in my journey.
G.O.L.F.